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User blog:THEJJRAT/Jerma985
You seem to have woken up in the Jerma Universe, a fantastical realm of jokes, shitty characters and wizardry. Home to the deranged streamer Jerma985, you are start on jermaEarth, planet of the Jerma Solar System and home to the yuman race. You begin in the year 2017, a few months before the New Year and beginning of 2005. Here's +1000 Baldcoin from your benefactor. Origin Drop-In: Streamer: Meme: You are one of the many memes that roam Twitch Chat. In December 31st, Jeremy Elbertson will host a brutal Meme Deathmatch consisting of all of his memes. If you manage to survive or win the Rumble, Twitch Chat will continue to use you, but if you fail, you will be brutally executed by Jeremy. That is, if you don't escape. Wizard: You are a wizard, trained in this world's magic and wizardry. You are able to cast powerful spells and perform amazing magic tricks, with the right tools, of course. Professional Wrestler: Race *Yuman (free): The dominant species of Earth. Nothing special, really. *Byeah (free): *Sphee (free): Shpees are a fragile, endangered race, resembling the Spy from Team Fortress 2. To put things in perspective, seven hundred sphees are born every minute, but only two of each litter normally survive. You start out as a baby shpee, and will grow and mature after you score your first kill and gain your wings, eventually becoming a full-fledged Spy if you wish. *Rat: For an extra 50 BC, you can instead opt to become a Giant Rat, the highest in the rat hierarchy who makes all of the rules. *Jerma Clone (-100 BC, discount Streamer): You are one of the many clones of Jeremy Elbertson. You have the many voices of Jerma, but you still retain your old personality, and may even have a few quirks like E3 Jerma. Don't trust anybody who asks you to follow them to a well. *Demon (-100 BC): Location 1. Boston, USA: 2. Las Vegas: Home to the Las Vegas Superbowls, and eventually the home of Jerma. 3. Castle Griffensteed: 4. trade_carnival: 5. 6. 7. 8. Drop-In Perks That Was My Best Hat! (-100 BC): Enemies will now get noticeably upset if you shoot their hats off, becoming wreckless and sloppy in battle to avenge their hat. If You're Good At Something, Never Do It For Free: Ask Nicely for Kritz (-100 BC): Doctors and combat medics will go out of their way to give you medical attention if you scream, and their healing will make your attacks slightly stronger for twenty seconds. This is also toggleable. Streamer Perks Emotes (-50 BC): You now have the ability to use any of the emotes on Jerma or Etalxy's Twitch channels on any digital chatroom/comment section in existence. This includes Twitch Chat, YouTube comments, normal texting, Grindr, etc. For another -50 BC, you can now somehow use this in normal speech, telepathy, writing, etc. Others will easily perceive this, and won't question it. And for another -50 BC, you can use emotes from whatever channel you want, such as Limealicious or Vargskelethor. Censor Bar (-100 BC, discount Streamer): You now have the ability to create physical censor bars, and place them over obscene things such as Garfield. PC Computer Doctor (-100 BC): Big Bits (-200 BC): At random times, you may receive a randomized amount Twitch bits from your benefactor and/or Internet fans, usually followed with an emotional message or meme. You can exchange these bits for the whatever currency is currently in use in the world. You can also customize the bit sound effects. BILL CRAZY (-300 BC): Officer Jumper (-600 ): Whenever you absolutely fucking suck at whatever you're doing, you now have the ability to switch to an alternate personality at will; Officer JEX. While they are mostly skilled in firearms and video games, JEX will be automatically better than you at whatever you're doing, taking on a serious stance and getting the job done. Warning; you willed be flashed. Wizard Perks *Levitation (free): You now have the ability to levitate, an ability taught to Spider-Man by Dr. Strange. However, this isn't your ordinary levitation. This allows you to statically float in the air at will, unable to move until you deactivate the power. *Jerma the White (-100 BC): You also gain the ability to perform a Ritual of Digestive Control, a meditative state that allows you a deep control over your bowels. *Chuck the Black (-100 BC): You now excel in the Dark Arts, having an affinity for destructive spells that are normally shunned by the wizarding community. *Up in Smoke! (-100 BC): With a snap of a finger, you can reduce your enemies to fiery ash. Smaller ones, like wasps, that is. Largers enemies will simply be lit on fire, *Super Soaker (-100 BC): This spell acts like a hose, constantly barreling out a stream of water from your wand that could be used to drown your enemies, or perhaps play with your friends or water your garden. *ZAP! (-300 CP): *Demon Ritual (-300 CP, discount Demon): You now have the ability to summon Demon Lord Zeraxos, one of the strongest demons alive. Though it is a complex ritual, normally requiring three to four other wizards, you may perform it by yourself if you are skilled enough. General Items jermaSnacks (-100 BC): A collection of various food items found in the Jermaverse. Includes the following: Coffee, Cheetos, Chicken - A large military-grade crate, containing an abundant collection of Vermont Coffee Company dark coffee, bags of cheetos, and chicken of the fried/grilled/roasted varieties. Replenishes whenever the crate is emptied. The Shivering Sandwich - A moist fermented turkey sandwich with cranberry, mayo and stuffing, that was left in the front seat of a car for six hours. May not be the healthiest snack, but it's delicious. It will replenish after it is eaten. Cheese Nips - A replenishing box of poisonous, oak-flavored, garbage smelling Cheese Nips. Also comes with a Cheese Nips Antidote, in case you are ever poisoned by this scrumptious snack. Noxious Energy - A vending machine Sellout (-100 BC): You now have a box filled with official Jerma themed merchandise, including the original Glue Man shirt and the Fire Man t-shirt. Comes with a tablet that displays Jerma's teespring shop. Jerma Stream Archive (-100): A collection of every video and Twitch COD on every real world video format, including VHS, Blu-Ray, and DVD. Regularly updates as streams and videos come out. Includes videos and streams from Jerma985/2ndJerma, Star, Boo, MLC St3alth, and Etalyx. 700,000 Games (-100): Bugleberry's Book of Scary Stories Toilet Sheriff (-100 BC): A bottle of toilet cleaner that will completely eradicate germs. Useful against bacteria-based monsters. Lucario Amiibo (-50 BC): Ten rare Lucario amiibos, resembling a Mixed Herb (G+R+B) from Resident Evil 2. Consuming one will fully heal non-fatal injuries and will guard against poison for a short time. They will reappear in your Warehouse once a week. BrainFluud (-200 BC): Jerma Bucks (-100 BC, discount Drop-In): Spy Statue (-100 BC): A priceless statue of a Spy from King Tutankhamun's Tomb. Guard it well, for it is likely to be targeted by dastardly thieves. The House with a Dad in Its Walls (-100 BC): Wall Dad now lives in the walls of your Warehouse. He will try to grab your hair whenever possible. For another -100 BC, Wall Dad will be replaced with Wall Chad, a stronger version of Wall Dad, in case you want your wall innards thoroughly protected. Toothbrush (-300 BC, discount Rat): A blue toothbrush containing the DNA of every animal on Earth. It is highly sought after by the nefarious Cat Police. Be sure it does not fall into their dastardly paws, unless you seek to strike a deal or something. Pizza Oven House (-300 BC): Essentially a house-sized pizza oven, with three large pizza ovens. Just yeet a few dozen pizzas inside, turn on the heat, and there you go. Also contains with a basketball court with a (freshly coated) waxed floor. Can optionally become a Warehouse attachment. Streamer Items Gamer Room (-100 BC, free for Streamer): A small room containing a Baldcoin Wallet (-100 BC): Clown Makeup (-100 BC): Loot Get! (-100 BC): A permanent subscription to Dork Cube, a monthly subscription box service serving many dorky items, delivered straight to your Warehouse. May contain blood. Professional Wrestler Items Jermania (-600 BC): You now have a large wrestling stadium in your Warehouse, identical to the ones used in the Jerma Rumble. Comes with an audience of generic wrestling fans, but you can replace them with your companions/followers/army if you want. Shitty Character Laboratory (-600 BC): This adds a laboratory to your Warehouse, outfitted with the same technology that created Batboy. With enough work, you can create a Shitty Character on the level of Glue Man. If you are intelligent enough, you could possibly even create someone on the level as the terrifying Green Screen. Wizard Items *The Book of Spells (-100 BC, free Wizard): An ancient tome bound in purple leather, that documents a wide variety of wizardly spells. The voice of a young Scottish man will greet you upon opening it, teaching you the spells of this world. Comes with a large wooden wand for casting spells with and interacting with the book, which may occasionally clip through your hand and robes. *The Master of Illusions (-200 BC, discount Wizard): A magic kit, full of the many items you'll need to pull off mystical magic tricks with. Comes with a top hat, a black wand with white tips, several decks of cards, a black and white photo, two mystery boxes, a small vase, a shot of vodka, a magical lunchbox, a magic thermos containing a small black hole, and two magical blue tube bottles. To pull off these tricks, you must say the hallowed wizarding words; "Presto Majesto". Drawbacks Blast from the Past (+0 BC): Instead of starting in 2017, you land in June 2011, just when Jerma was beginning his YouTube career. DiamondsAreForeverLOLcheeseBURGAH﻿ (+100): You have an undying hatred of your past. Viewing your previous jumps as cringeworthy and just vile in general, you will get flustered and irritated if someone brings up one of your past achievements, and you may even break out into a violent, dramatic rant. Streamer Joke (+100 BC): You will now compulsively fall down places I Don't Do That Usually (+100 BC): You now constantly snort, especially while laughing. Others are quick to point this out and make fun of it. Card Countin' (+100 BC): gambling and stuff Spill Joke (+100 BC): You constantly spill things, whether it is a drink or a bucket of water. People around you will get frustrated, thinking you're playing it off as some sort of joke, even when you aren't. Expect many ruined keyboards. WHAT THE FUCK, IT'S THAT GUY! (+200): You are constantly followed by Mr. X from Resident Evil 2. If you somehow kill him, he will return within a week. For an extra 100 BC, you also have non-stereophonic hearing, and cannot hear his footsteps. Not Sure Which Spell You Were Trying To Cast There, Try Again (+200): You seem to be having some trouble with magic. Regardless if it's from this world or not, you have trouble pronouncing spells, casting them, etc, and they will frequently misfire, not work correctly, or even flat out not work. You will also constantly get stuck in your wizarding robes. Twitch Chat (+300 BC): Your adventures are now commented on by Twitch Chat, viewable from a chat bar in your peripheral. Expect loads of bigotry, OwOs, memes, and people making fun of your height. You can communicate with them, but don't trust any advice from them, since half of them will try to make you fuck everything up for their own amusement. Post-jump, you may choose to make this a toggleable perk, and people will be a bit more wholesome this time around. Compact (+300): If you are a byeah, you now reach up to an average byeah's knee. Jumper Must Die (+600): Due to a combination of several deadly diseases and cancer, you will die on January 23rd, 2019 at 7:43 PM. You can attempt to heal yourself, or possibly even try to re-enter your body upon death. Regardless, if you truly die, your chain is over and you will be sent home. Oh, and you now have genital warts and genital herpes. Infinity Rumble (+1000): Green Screen, one of the most powerful beings in the Jermaverse, is coming after you. He will use every available means to kill you, and is not open to reason. If you defeat him, he will be reborn as the Super Blue Screen of Death, even more powerful than before. If you manage to survive and kill Blue Screen, Super Jex will hear of your bravery and seek you out, joining you as a companion. To clarify, Super Jex wields two Infinity Gauntlets and Sans glasses and was the only character capable of defeating the Green Screen, though he eventually went mad with power. Companions Import (50 CP): Canon Character (100 CP): Do you wish to travel with the Top 1000 streamer Jeremy Elbertson, or perhaps a more obscure shitty character, such as Schlogo? With each purchase, you now have the chance to make a character of the Jermaverse your companion. If they are willing, of course. Yes, you could use this as an excuse to recruit characters from games Jerma has played within reason, if you ever wanted Rio or Hank Redwood on your team. Sheeto (-50 BC): An adorable, sentient yellow otamatone formerly owned by Jeremy Elbertson. He is an incredible singer, though he may get a little heated while playing video games. Chopper (-200 BC): One of the boss serial killer guys from Clock Tower 3, the one who's an incel Kratos. He's good with swords and has Fullmetal Alchemist teleportation spells, and will constantly compliment any good tricks you make. Also a total twink. Twix Brothers (-300 BC): You are apparently related to a family of three eccentric grandpa brothers, who are actually extremely rich. Two of them own a factory in Pensee, while the third brother repeatedly attempts to murder them to gain control of the factory. Category:Blog posts